


Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want It Bad)

by piratekelly



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Gen, Getting Together, Humor, Inappropriate Jokes, Sexual Harassment Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:18:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratekelly/pseuds/piratekelly
Summary: “I’m not the one who waved a neon green thong in my face when we were on the job.”“Well,youasked if I was going to put it on!”Five-0 and no one else goes to a sexual harassment training seminar.





	Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want It Bad)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in a few hours and brought on by the sneak peek clip of Tani and Junior in Tani's office in 9x03. No spoilers for the ep, as those characters are not included. Thanks to my Five-0 chat friends who encouraged this. How they haven't done an episode about this is beyond me. They're all terrible. As are my Five-0 chat friends. I hate to love all of you, you dirty, dirty people.
> 
> Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Title is from Jason Derulo's "Want to Want Me".

Throughout the course of his life, Danny Williams has had to sit through a number of unpleasant experiences. These include, but are not limited to: getting “the talk” form his dad, eating breakfast with his mom the morning after she walked in on him jerking off when he was fifteen, explaining to his college girlfriend that they couldn’t date anymore because he was more interested in banging her older brother, and, worst of all, telling Grace that mommy and daddy still loved her but that they weren’t going to be married to each other anymore. If Danny had a dollar for every time he had to survive something even slightly emotionally traumatizing, he would be a very wealthy man. All of this is to say that when it comes to situations that make you squirm with discomfort, Danny has seen it all. Or, at least, he thought he had.

He’d known this was a possibility since his first day on the job. The day Steve triggered the discovery that fear boners are a thing and that Danny could get them is a day that will go down in infamy. He’s never been so turned on and so frightened as he is when he’s in a car with Steve behind the wheel. Danny has turned hiding a No Apparent Reason Boner into an artform. The first time Kono joked with Chin about misappropriating government property by breaking out his department issue cuffs with Malia a few weeks ago had Danny updating his resume in preparation for the day that the Governor decided that, while the results more than spoke for themselves, their conduct left something to be desired and that the team was being disabanded immediately to prevent any sort of scandal not related to law enforcement.

(Danny does not and will never want to know how Kono knew what she did about Chin and Malia. He just doesn’t. There are some things a man is better off not knowing about his coworkers.)

In any case, ignorance, no matter how often he pleads it, could not save him from the most uncomfortable experience any adult professional could be subjected to: Workplace Sexual Harassment Training.

If he’s being honest, he’s surprised it took this long for someone to require them to show their faces at a seminar instead of doing it online like every other non-sexual harassing citizen of the great state of Hawaii. If he’s being honest, this should have happened after Kono wouldn’t stop making jokes about Danny trying to cop a feel when they were making out to buy Chin more time to save his cousin from being beaten to death by gang members. He has not been her only target, but judging by the gleeful smile stretching across her face every time she makes him blush is an indication that he is definitely her favorite one.

The more pressing issue, though, is that Danny has no idea, no clue at all, how they’re going to come out of this experience with approval to be in the field, the office, or the plane of existence, because this team, these people whom he loves and respects so much it’s stupid, do not believe in any kind of boundary whatsoever. Kono can get through just about anything with a wink and a smile, Chin can tear through firewalls like he’s PacMan, and there’s nothing on this planet that Steve won’t blow up, punch, or drown if it dares to stand in his way. All of this, combined with the fact that they’re so in each other’s pockets they’re collecting lint, means that personal boundaries are things that simply do not exist. Which is why Danny and the rest of his team are sitting on one of the nicer conference rooms at HPD on a beautiful Friday morning, being lecture about proper workplace etiquette.

Cheryl – because of course that’s her name, no pleasant woman is ever named Cheryl – stands at the front of the room in an actual pantsuit, of all things, with a sour look on her face and what Grace would call (he thinks, accurately) a “Can I speak to your manager?” haircut. She’s setting out thick packets of paper on the table and is readying the computer for, mother of all things holy, a goddamn power point presentation that Danny is sure will have Kono asleep inside of five minutes and Chin’s eye twitching at the poor quality of the graphics she will undoubtedly be using. Steve will look like he’s paying attention, but Danny knows from experience that the only thoughts running through his head will be plans for all possible escape strategies from this very room, three of which will include blowing a hole in the east wall, on the other side of which is the parking lot.

Since Danny is the first to arrive, he takes his seat and sits quietly as Cheryl finishes preparing what he’s sure will be a scintillating presentation on how actual human beings conduct themselves when in the presence of coworkers. And superiors. And subordinates. And also the public in general. He focuses on a water stain in the ceiling as he thinks to himself that it’s no surprise that he’s the first to arrive. Danny is a professional, and working adults like himself like to be on time, if not early, to anything work related. Danny is, without a doubt, the only person on this team who is consistently prompt.

Steve walks in as Danny is studying the stain like a Rorschach test, rolling his eyes before setting his coffee on the table and taking the chair to Danny’s right.

“Of course you would be early to something like this,” Steve mumbles.

“Butterfly,” Danny replies.

Steve turns and looks at him, bewildered, before realizing that Danny isn’t paying attention to him at all. He shifts his gaze upward and tilts his head, considering.

“Nah. Eagle.”

Danny is about to offer a witty rejoinder when Chin waltzes into the room with about three minutes to spare and takes the seat across from Danny, sighing as he settles in for what they all know is going to be a long morning. Kono – who is normally at least ten minutes late to everything because the only clock she’s beholden to is the one that tells island time – breezes in at exactly 8 AM and al but falls into the chair next to Chin.

“Who wants to put money on how long we’re here before a case calls us out?” she asks, all Cheshire grin and butter-wouldn’t-melt innocence.

Steve chuckles. “Governor has us on radio silence until noon.”

Cheryl’s lips purse as she writes something down. Danny sighs and settles in.

\--

_One Hour Later…_

Danny is staring unseeing at the wall behind a completely disinterested Chin when Cheryl’s voice breaks through the fog.

“Any questions on suggestive language in the workplace?”

It turns out that on top of being a complete tyrant, Cheryl is also terrifically boring. Any time she’d opened her mouth in the last fifty-five minutes all Danny heard was the teacher from Charlie Brown: “Wah wah wah…dirty jokes…wah wah…innuendo… _wahhhhh_.” He hasn’t been this bored since the third grade when he had to sit inside during recess because he called Tommy Romano a turd.

“Yeah, I have a question.” Cheryl nods for Steve to continue. “Is there any way w could speed this up? Surely there has to be something on the agenda that’s not relevant.”

Danny kind of wants to kill him.

“It’s all relevant, Commander McGarrett. In fact,” she pushes a button on the clicker in her hand and a new slide appears. “It’s all relevant.”

In stark black and white on the projector in front of him, the slide reads: _Five Oh-No: Setting Examples in a 21st Century Work Environment._

Now Danny kind of wants to kill himself instead. Kono, however, almost falls out of her chair laughing.

“I blame you for this,” Danny grumbles, looking over at Steve. 

“Me?” Steve replies. “How is this my fault?”

“This all started that day you just had to give yourself a tetanus shot in your office. If you’d have just gone to the hospital like you were supposed to, you wouldn’t have been in your office with your ass hanging out and it wouldn’t have set the precedent that any form of nudity was appropriate in a professional setting.”

Steve actually looks gobsmacked. If Danny weren’t annoyed, it would be hilarious.

“Nudity? Danny, I gave myself a shot! And it was only half a cheek! There’s nothing inappropriate about that!”

“And then there was the time when I walked into your office and your hand was really low on Steve’s back,” Kono chimes in, eyes glittering with mirth. “Like, _really_ low, brah.”

“Oh, so this is my fault now, huh?” Danny replies, gesticulating wildly. “Okay, alright, two can play this game. What about the time you grabbed my ass?”

Kono rolls her eyes and shrugs. “We were undercover. I had to sell it.”

Chin groans and drops his head on the table.

Danny thinks about muttering _sell it, my ass,_ but he’s almost positive they’re never going to get jobs in the entire United States after this mess, so he keeps that witty retort to himself.

Cheryl looks around the table, mouth hanging open. She stands there for long minutes, staring and, if Danny had to guess, mentally calculating all the different unfiled sexual harassment claims that are sitting in this room right now. Danny really wishes, now more than ever, that the governor had left this stone unturned.

“Wasn’t there also the time you answered the phone with some kind of sweet talk thinking was Danny, but it was really the governor?”

And that… That is news to Danny.

“You _what_?”

“How did you even know that?” Steve sputters, giving up on finding words and instead turning to point an accusing finger at Danny. “I thought it was you!”

“Somehow I think you know that that doesn’t make it better, Commander,” Cheryl interjects, burying her face in her hands.

“You don’t say,” he replies. “But hey, I got one worse!” He turns in his chair so that he’s directly facing Danny. “What about the time you called me when I was coming in from Japan with Wo Fat and asked me what I was wearing?”

He ignores Kono’s laughter from the other side of the room because oh. _Oh_ , it is _on_.

“That was a joke and we both know it, Steven. However, I do seem to remember a time when you offered to hold my hand when we were out in the field.”

“ _You just told me you were claustrophobic_ , Danny. What was I supposed to do? Force you to go in with me?”

“As though you haven’t don that exact thing on any other day?”

“Yes, Danny,” Steve yells, arms thrown wide. “Yes, it is! You told me something important, and I offered you comfort. That’s not harassment, that’s being a good friend! Besides, you’re the one who told me two weeks ago that I needed to get laid!”

“Detective Williams!” Cheryl shouts. 

Danny ignores her. “And _that’s_ not being a good friend? I’m saving the entire island of Oahu by telling you to stop living like a monk. I deserve sainthood for that! The Venn diagram of you being sexually frustrated and the state having to shell out money for destruction of public property is a circle! And besides,” Danny says, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m not the one who waved a neon green thong in my face when we were on the job.”

Danny gets a certain amount of glee from watching the vein pop out in Steve’s neck. It’s been a while since he’s driven Steve to the point of being nearly apoplectic.

“Well, you asked if I was going to put it on!”

Kono has now fallen out of her chair in a fit of laughter. Chin looks like he wants nothing more than to take his boat out into the middle of the ocean, tie a cinder block to his ankles, and jump.

“And then,” Kono wheezes, pulling herself up back into her chair. “And then there-- there was the time you were on that stakeout and that old lady thought you were gay. And you!” she cackles, pointing at Danny, “You said you’d go with it to keep your cover!”

Genuinely shocked, Danny asks how the hell she knew that.

“The mic in the room was still on, man,” Chin replies, face solemn. He looks down into his coffee cup like it holds the key to getting out of this room. “You really liked that cat, Steve.”

Kono snorts. “So many pussy jokes.”

“This has gotten a little out of hand,” Cheryl announces. Danny shoots her an unimpressed look, because _duh_. “Why don’t we break for the da—“

“Oh, I’m not done,” Steve interrupts, looking positively euphoric, and it fills Danny with dread. He’s almost positive he knows where this is going, and he sends a silent plea to the whoever might be listening that Steve is not about to say what’s on the tip of his tongue.

“Do you want to talk about the time you called me a topper?”

Danny closes his eyes and tries to shrink in on himself. He does not want to address this, not in front of his team, not in front of Cheryl, the mentally scarred Human Resources representative, not anyone. He’d regretted those words the second they’d escaped his mouth all that time ago, because he’d known the second they were out in the universe they would come back someday, at some incredibly inconvenient moment, to bite him in the ass.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Danny replies.

Steve grins. “That’s not what the lady at the table next to us thought.”

“She wasn’t exactly bothered by the idea either,” he says. He looks up and can tell Kono wants to make a comment, probably something along the lines of “she’s not the only one”, but seems to practice some of her better judgment. They’ve dug a big enough hole for themselves as it is. No need to dig any deeper.

“Danny, I feel like you should address this,” Kono says.

Danny sighs, pinching his nose. “I’d love for you to drop this.”

There’s silence in the room, the only sound that of the fan circulating above them. 

“You wish,” Steve mutters.

Danny lifts his head. “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me.”

“Yes, I did hear you,” Danny replies, growing slightly annoyed. “But since I’m pretty sure it was something _inappropriate_ for the _workplace_ , I’m gonna need you to repeat it.”

And this moment right here, challenging Steve so openly, is the biggest mistake Danny’s made today. There’s something in Steve’s eyes that Danny recognizes but can’t place, something possessive that makes his heart race. Steve slowly angles his body toward Danny’s, gradually crowding him until he’s leaning over Danny completely and oh, _oh_. 

“I said,” Steve growls, leaning in close enough that Danny can feel each and every breath Steve takes against the skin of his cheek. “You wish.”

And the thing is, it didn’t really hit Danny until right this moment, but he absolutely _does_.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Cheryl growls. “You two are—“

Absolutely gonna kiss, that’s what they are. 

Danny pulls Steve down, closing the distance between them, sealing his lips over Steve’s. It’s awkward and his neck hurts from the angle, but he’d suffer any kind of discomfort if it meant he could catch Steve off guard in a way that made him moan like that rather than argue. He cards the fingers of his right hand through the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck, pulling on Steve’s bicep with the other, trying to pull him closer. Steve groans and pulls him in with a hand low on Danny’s back, changing the angle, nipping at Danny’s bottom lip. He had no idea how much he wanted this until right now, and just like everything else between them, it happens at peak bad timing.

Danny feels like he’s soaring, like he could fly apart at any second, and if they were anywhere else, surrounded by anyone else, he’d let himself go. But because they’re in the middle of HPD at a seminar where this exact thing was repeatedly stressed as prohibited, he makes the decision to pull back before things get too heated. They’ve dug a hole all the way to China at this point, but he thinks that having sex on the conference room table might get them slingshot straight to Mars. 

“You wanna head back to my place?”

Danny sees Cheryl out of the corner of his eye, shocked and unmoving. He almost feels bad for her. Almost. Instead, he shrugs and focuses on the man in front of him.

“The Palace is closer. Why don’t we break in the couch in your office instead?”

The squeak she lets out is more than worth the trouble they are absolutely, definitely in.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr as piratefalls! Comments and kudos are love.


End file.
